


handle with care

by sincerelysamedt



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Growing Up, Introspection, M/M, Pining, Regret, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24924250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelysamedt/pseuds/sincerelysamedt
Summary: Several, numerous, countless times, Aunt Mito has told Gon to be careful.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 18
Kudos: 208





	handle with care

**Author's Note:**

> Be careful with the things you're supposed to cherish.

Several, numerous, countless times, Aunt Mito has told Gon to be careful.

 _Be careful,_ she'd say when he tripped on a large tree root bursting from the ground as they walked to the port.

 _Be careful,_ she'd remind him when he bumped into the corners of cabinets and pan handles swung outward and tables laden with dishes, sauce and oil spilling over and staining the good tablecloth, since he had been running in the house again and nothing could stop him.

 _Be careful,_ she whispered in a kiss to his temple as he cried over the fishing hook in his fingers, bleeding all over his rod.

 _Be careful,_ she shook her head over another shattered plate at his feet.

 _Gon, love, you have to be careful,_ she told him with a letter in hand, pink paper with curling handwriting and heart-shaped stickers, as Gon explained his stinging red cheek and why his classmate had cried.

* * *

Killua looks fragile.

He's twelve, just like Gon is, and he looks like what dandelions would if they were people instead of plants.

It's not surprising that Leorio tries to stop him from stepping onto the platform. A dandelion of a boy like Killua against a behemoth like Johannes is like leaving a field mouse in a forest of foxbears.

Kurapika tries to stop Leorio and Gon thinks Kurapika understands, even just a bit, as someone who also looks like he could be carried off by the wind.

It's loud and vivid in his head as Killua places the heart he tore out of a murderer's chest back in Johannes' still outstretched palm.

_Killua is not fragile._

Gon smiles.

* * *

When they get Killua back, there are open wounds on his face. The gashes on his back are even worse.

Leorio panics at all the blood soaking unseen into his black shirt, sniping at Killua's jabs while he wraps him up in gauze on the side of the road, at the foot of Kukuroo Mountain. Kurapika pokes at Leorio for yelling then hands over a bottle of what might be disinfectant. Killua laughs them off.

"Old man, I'm fine, quit fussing!"

_See? Killua isn't fragile._

* * *

Gon runs on the walls that surround the village, hops from treetop to rock ledge, and leaps off a cliff into the sea.

He knows these paths and they know him. They welcome him home; he is not a stranger here.

Killua doesn't falter, not once; he follows. He keeps up. He shoves Gon off, away, gets _ahead_ as if Gon would ever allow that for long. It's a chase then a race and nothing has ever been as exhilarating. Nothing has ever been as _fun_ as it is with Killua.

(The island embraces Killua, too, tucks him to the sand and heart of it like it does with Gon.)

"You should come with me." Gon says like it's a fact.

"Yeah, I will." Killua answers like it's a given, beside the fire and under stars.

* * *

Before Gon walks up the ramp onto the boat that will take them to York New City, to Kurapika and Leorio and Greed Island, Aunt Mito pulls him back.

"Gon, be careful, all right?"

He turns to make a silly face, play at sulking while agreeing that _yes, yes, Mito-san, I promise I'll be careful, I will-_

But stops when he catches the faraway look on her face.

She gets like this sometimes. He thinks times like these remind her of Ging, even if she's adamant that she doesn't care. It's hard enough, saying goodbye even if it's just for a little while; it's even harder to be the one being left behind.

And that might be it, if she was looking at him with that soft sad look that makes Gon want to stay for a bit longer, or even at the line where the sky says hello to the ocean off in the distance, but no. Aunt Mito isn't looking at him or the sea.

She's looking at Killua, already aboard the ship, his back turned to them.

"Be careful, Gon." She says again, and lets him go.

* * *

"It has to be Killua. I can't do it without him." Gon insists.

Tsezguerra sits up in spite of the pain he must feel from the injury to his side but Gon will not budge on this. It doesn't matter if Tsezguerra could do it, too, could do it better, _safer._ It doesn't matter if it's the most logical, rational choice, he _will_ fight them on this because _none_ of this will matter if it isn't with-

"I'll hold the ball for you." Killua says and Tsezguerra blinks at them once, twice, then slumps back against the wall.

* * *

(It isn't the first time Gon has forgotten what Aunt Mito told him.)

* * *

East Gorteau isn't the first time Gon forgets what Aunt Mito has told him, either. It is, however, the first time forgetting mattered.

* * *

On their last night together, Alluka sits on Gon's bed while Killua buys dinner from the shop across the street from their inn. Alluka had spotted the shopkeeper selling orange chicken over rice in little white bowls on their way to check-in and Killua has quickly proven to be unable to deny his little sister anything.

"I'm so glad you're better." Alluka says in the silence of the room, lights bright, the movie playing on the television a low hum. Not enough of a distraction from Alluka's gaze, steady and compelling even if she didn't have Killua's eyes

It feels like there's a right answer to her relief, an appropriate response to her joy. It isn't quite like walking on eggshells but rather crossing a dark room with an orchid in a porcelain vase.

"It's thanks to all of you, really.” He still isn't sure what happened after Pitou, but he knows it was bad, must have been really bad judging by the way Leorio kept looking at him on their way to see Kite like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. All he remembers is that when he woke up, Morel cried, Bisky got that big wrinkle in the middle of her forehead, and Killua was nowhere to be found.

And when he _did_ find Killua, Killua just flicked him on the forehead and told him he was an idiot while a strange girl clutched the sleeve of his shirt.

_"She's my sister. Alluka, this is Gon."_

"It's no trouble! I'm happy to help Brother's friends." Alluka hums, tilting her head side to side as she swings her feet off the edge of the bed.

She's sweet, effortless to fall in love with. Bisky and Ikalgo couldn't stop fawning over her before they left for the World Tree. It's almost hard to believe this bubbly little girl is in any way related at all to Killua, stark and firelit under Whale Island stars.

The sudden tight grip of sweet, little, bubbly Alluka Zoldyck's hands on his are definitely Killua-like, though.

"But if you ever break Brother's heart again, I will not give him back. I will take him far, far away from you, and you will never see him again. Okay?" Alluka says softly in her sweet birdsong voice, the one Bisky cupped her cheeks over and said _"My dear, you have a voice made for laughter."_

Killua whispered something that sounded like "baby fever" and got smacked for it.

Alluka doesn't look like she's made for laughter right now. The curve of her cheeks are plumper than Killua's, the tip of her nose rounder than the point of Killua's.

_You're not fragile, too, are you?_

She stares at him silently, her grip Killua-claws-tight, with wide Killua-blue eyes.

"Okay?"

There is a right answer here. A definite, objectively correct answer.

"Of course!" Gon grins. Of course, that is the only answer.

When Killua comes back with orange chicken and fried rice as well as cooked sugar candies, Gon and Alluka are laughing at the movie on the television, even if they only caught the end.

* * *

The smile Alluka gives him as she leaves with Killua's hand in hers looks how Aunt Mito sounds when he falls into lakes while fishing.

_Be careful next time._

* * *

Gon has never considered himself to be breakable.

The elder fishermen who no longer go out to sea and instead play mahjong together by the docks used to talk about that, how only the young have the audacity to feel invincible.

He never really understood what they meant. That might have been the point.

After all, on Whale Island, there was adventure. Exploration. Sightseeing from the highest branches and diving into underwater caverns. Falling asleep with foxbear cubs between rivers and campfires, how could anyone not feel invincible?

(With a boy who is both dandelion fluff and shooting star at your side, how could anyone not feel like they could take on the world?)

Then there was Ging. The Hunter exam. Hisoka. York New City, Kurapika and the Phantom Troupe. Greed Island with the Bomber and Razor.

Then Kite. The NGL. _Pitou._

_The World Tree._

Gon didn't used to think of himself as breakable.

It's been about a year now, maybe a few months over. There are cracks in his voice when he speaks too loud and his limbs are awkward and unwieldy. He doesn't fit in his bed anymore, so he has to curl in, and in the morning his back aches but it fades away by the afternoon.

"Growing pains, Gon. It means you're growing." Aunt Mito tells him.

He still hasn't gotten his Nen back, even if he's done nothing but meditating and punching rocks in between Math worksheets and Literature reports, but Ging has some options Gon could try once the school year ends. 

Aunt Mito doesn't tell him to be careful anymore when she bandages his hands, bloodied and sprained from hitting too many rocks. He isn't sure if it's because she thinks he knows already or if she expects him to know by now.

(He has to finish the year, just for her sake. She deserves that much.)

_"- the trees here are huge. They're called cherry blossoms and the flowers are everywhere since they're in season. Alluka loves them, but I bet none of them even compare to the World Tree, huh?"_

Killua's voice comes out grainy and staticky over the line. He wonders how Killua is growing out there, far from him. He remembers the seamstress' wife, digging out acacia saplings because they weren't spaced far enough apart.

"Killua?"

_"Yeah?"_

"Are you hurting?"

There is a long silence, nothing but the craggly sound of half-blown wind from across the world. Gon doesn't even know what continent they're on this time. Somewhere cherry blossoms are in bloom. He'll look it up later.

_"What do you mean?"_

What _does_ he mean?

_Which do you like better, Algebra or Shakespeare? Do you sleep in beds that fit you? How tall have you gotten? I can't tell if your voice is lower or softer, the signal is always bad wherever you go._

_I always knew you weren't fragile but I never asked if you were breakable. I just assumed you weren't._

_Are you still growing out there? Or did you do all your growing with me?_

"Just asking." Gon says, curled up on a bed that doesn't fit him anymore.

The next morning, he calls Ging, who miraculously answers, and tells him the school year ends in two months. That night, he lays out the spare futon on the roof. Killua calls and they talk about Alluka's baking under the stars and how she has roped him into it. Gon hears Alluka call out _hello_. Killua tells him they're making cookies.

"At this hour?"

_"Gon, it's ten in the morning over here."_

He looks up and counts constellations. Constellations Killua can't see, apparently.

_Growing pains, remember? It means you're growing._

Is this how the acacias felt?

"Oh, right. I forgot."

* * *

_"Hearts are fragile things. That's why you have to be so careful."_

**_Lauren Oliver_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I want Gon and Killua to meet again.
> 
> Also Me: Let's write an angsty oneshot of Gon missing Killua and regretting the way they left things.


End file.
